Why isn't there anything to write or say?
In pursuit of a mirage - Step 1
Tomorrow, I will be taking the leap. Into a world of uncertainty. A time where my insecurities may further bog me down. Or a time of deep introspection from which I emerge stronger. Clarity of thought has so far eluded me. Opportunities have yet followed me.
As I decide to take a career break my mind is filled with a thousand questions. Over-thinking complicates life, and that is a burden I will bear my whole life. Will I achieve what I am setting out to? And do I know what I want to? In an Indian context of a super-competitive space, am I making the biggest, biggest mistake of my life? Am I a fool to be knocking off every big opportunity for the fear of failure (or as my friend says I am running away from success)? And is success defined by what people around you think, your peers and bosses appreciation, or is it truly defined by your internal satisfaction of your work (and by extension your life)? Should I be taking on work that bogs me down for the perceived benefits of external validation?
As I think about tomorrow, my mind is abuzz with questions - will I get a job after the break? is my backpacking plan just a foolish fantasy or is it a genuine yearning that will take me far and give me clarity? 7 years into my job if I am uncertain, am I in for a life of uncertainty? am I being foolhardy to assume this break will be my epiphany?
What do i seek to achieve? In an order that is as yet unclear, I intend to achieve the following:
- Travel for the soul, travel for pleasure, travel for clarity and travel for fun before life really does take over
- Introspect - find the confidence in me to accept the trust that others place in me
- Identify that one thing I really want to do. Or may be the 10 things I really want to do.
- Prepare for the future - is it GMAT to get into a B-School?
- Fitness
- Uncomplicate life
I squander another opportunity in life (long live the queen!) in pursuit of a mirage.
Goliath vs. David
What a brilliant, nail-biting match between Rafa and the 100th ranked, virtually unkown Lukas Rosol. Rafa was no match for the brilliantly in form Rosol who kept knocking down aces and straight winners, and some amazingly well placed shots. A truly fairy-tale ending where the underdog walks away the winner. It was great to see Rosol remain unruffled while Rafa was all agitated and being irate at the referee.
The crowd was rooting for the underdog and so was I. Everybody loves that bit of drama that could upstage the predictable (and there was no lack of it with the match briefly suspended after 4th set to continue the game indoors under artificial lights). In spite of leading in the match, and being 3-1 in the 4th set, the commentators were quick to point out that it was time to wake up from the dream when Rosol made one unforced error, finding it hard to believe that this match could indeed end up as a fairy tale.
Watching a sport this exciting after ages has made me relate to Nitin's night-outs to watch football, and even Shubhi (!!!). The Wimbledon has just begun - here's to more evenings of Tennis, albeit accompanied by Carlsberg instead of Pimms!
And this is what Tim Henman had to say before the match started: "You have to say Rosol's got two hopes of winning this: slim and none, and slim's got his bags packed and is about to leave town..."
The crowd was rooting for the underdog and so was I. Everybody loves that bit of drama that could upstage the predictable (and there was no lack of it with the match briefly suspended after 4th set to continue the game indoors under artificial lights). In spite of leading in the match, and being 3-1 in the 4th set, the commentators were quick to point out that it was time to wake up from the dream when Rosol made one unforced error, finding it hard to believe that this match could indeed end up as a fairy tale.
Watching a sport this exciting after ages has made me relate to Nitin's night-outs to watch football, and even Shubhi (!!!). The Wimbledon has just begun - here's to more evenings of Tennis, albeit accompanied by Carlsberg instead of Pimms!
And this is what Tim Henman had to say before the match started: "You have to say Rosol's got two hopes of winning this: slim and none, and slim's got his bags packed and is about to leave town..."
Deep breaths
Much has changed in the last few months.
Battling demons is now a full-time hobby. But what about the real hobbies I once had?
The manual settings in my camera have moved back to auto and no sight seems worthy of a click. Facebook updates have replaced the occasional phone calls to friends. Birthdays and anniversaries forgotten. My blog on google dangerously close to being deleted for inactivity. October 2011 was the last time a book was read, fiction or otherwise. Travel now means the tram ride into central Manchester for a pint. Bank holiday planning now seems like an ordeal. Personal targets of sky-dives, bungee jumps, trying golf, exploring Turkey etc. have become long overdue.
Puffing away to glory on Marlboro's seems to be the only area where I am exceeding expectations.
It is time to shake off the lethargy, put some demons to rest and claw back some life. Why does it seem impossible?
Deep breaths!
Battling demons is now a full-time hobby. But what about the real hobbies I once had?
The manual settings in my camera have moved back to auto and no sight seems worthy of a click. Facebook updates have replaced the occasional phone calls to friends. Birthdays and anniversaries forgotten. My blog on google dangerously close to being deleted for inactivity. October 2011 was the last time a book was read, fiction or otherwise. Travel now means the tram ride into central Manchester for a pint. Bank holiday planning now seems like an ordeal. Personal targets of sky-dives, bungee jumps, trying golf, exploring Turkey etc. have become long overdue.
Puffing away to glory on Marlboro's seems to be the only area where I am exceeding expectations.
It is time to shake off the lethargy, put some demons to rest and claw back some life. Why does it seem impossible?
Deep breaths!
Miserable
Not sure how one single mail can break the whole flow, momentum, mood!
Here I was working nice and neat concentrating on one task at a time, and bang!!! One mail gets me all worked up and have been sulking since. Email is a wicked, wicked invention. Period. And then there is the email on your mobile that is even more annoying than the silly pug in Vodafone.
Turned off everything. Time for 'The West Wing'.
Here I was working nice and neat concentrating on one task at a time, and bang!!! One mail gets me all worked up and have been sulking since. Email is a wicked, wicked invention. Period. And then there is the email on your mobile that is even more annoying than the silly pug in Vodafone.
Turned off everything. Time for 'The West Wing'.
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